Hello.
I am a college student, in the prime of my life, with nothing to show for it. I have never been a part of a group of friends. I was in a choral group in middle school, but was never good friends with anyone. My one best friend growing up and I separated in middle school when she started hanging out with people I thought weren't good enough for her. That is one of my faults. I think I must care about the wrong things.
I moved in with my grandparents when my grandpa found out he has cancer and my grandma was fighting pneumonia. My ex-boyfriend and I had just broken up and I hadn't found a new apartment to move into yet. It just happened that my grandparents had a guest room put into the garage last summer, so I moved in. More on my relationships will come later. I was diagnosed with endometriosis four months ago. I started Lupron the day before Valentines this year. I am generally an emotional wreck. I am not confident. I have a bad body image. I am always anxious.
There are probably thousands of these types of blogs out there. The ones where a girl feels sorry for herself and blabbers on. Well, this will be one more. I think I am too crazy to speak this information to anyone, and by typing it I don't have to feel judged. I am not expecting anyone to read what I have to say, I just need to get it out.
Today is April 1st. I was on call for the vet clinic I work for this weekend and was on kennel duty. This means that I took care of our boarders and was on call for emergencies. I love my job, but I don't think it will be there forever. I work at a small practice in a small town. We are doing well financially, and I have great bosses; I just see the repairs taking longer to complete and we aren't looking into new products and services like we had a few years ago. I may be looking into this too much, also one of my faults. I just hope it thrives until I get into vet school. I got a wage raise this week.
I can't sleep. I can't think. I just want to drive away from everything and start a new life somewhere else. But that scares me too. I just fuck everything up and my life goal is to stop fucking things up. I can't communicate clearly when I speak. I can't read other people's emotions. I feel spontaneous, but I know what I want to do would effect other people in my life and I don't want to screw everything up. I can't figure out a good balance. I take everything too personally. Unless I am at work at the clinic, I am useless.
